big annoying parties & stuff 🙄🎉

A friend of mine was ranting about how she did not want to attend a large, formal event but felt obligated to go anyway. Obligation is a whole other topic, but attending large social events is something that makes a lot of people uncozy for many different reasons, so I wanted to share some of the tips I gave her ril quick.

1) Don't be a dick to yourself about how you're feeling. If you are beating yourself up for feeling uncozy, nervous, hesitant or downright terrified, it's going to make things worse. And it's just plain mean. Accept where you're at, give yoself some validation, and decide to create a plan to make things easier on yourself!

2) Tell yourself the TRUTH: PANIC MAKES SENSE. It makes perfect biological sense to feel like your safety is compromised when you're around strangers, or even people outside your immediate circle, like acquaintances or collogues. Same is true for unfamiliar places. You're not crazy, broken, weird, or not good enough. 3) Avoid sabotaging yourself.

Many times, when we anticipate anxiety, we start imagining worst case scenarios. But it's actually been studied and turns out people who worry are WRONG 90% of the time. So. Try distracting that inner voice by singing your fave song, dancing, or laughing at stupid videos on your phone. Having fun is one of the most effective ways to banish the voice of doooooom. 4) Call in reinforcements. Having a sidekick or wingman on board can be priceless. If you can, bring along someone you can trust, who understands how you feel about the event. Make a plan together!

5) Dress for success. How you dress can totally affect the way you feel. Depending on the event, it's not always an option, but dressing comfortably is one of the easiest ways to soothe anxiety. Especially good shoes, if you're going to be on your feet for hours! If you want to avoid attention, do some research to see what everyone else is wearing, so you can better plan to blend in with the crowd. On the flip side, wearing something that makes you feel amazing and stand out from the crowd can draw both attention and conversation your way, making it much easier to meet people and mingle, which could save you a ton of social energy.

6) Design a safe role or "job" for yourself.

Your brain is always looking to feel focused, safe, and in control. Large social situations may register as chaotic and unsafe. But you can help your Nervous System relax by taking on a role or job for yourself which creates focus, predictability, and easier interactions with others. It can be anything you're cozy with and no one even has to know. Examples: 🎉 Ask the host if you can be in charge of something simple, like taking coats, or handing out beverages. 🎉 Decide you're going to compliment every person wearing red.

🎉 Decide to count every flower in the room. 🎉 Decide to focus on taking pictures of the event, and ask people to stop and pose for you. 🎉 Bring something you can safely offer others, such as a basket of candy or a squirt of hand sanitizer. 7) Plan to REACTIVATE yourself. One of the worst feels is *overwhelmed*. You arrive at the event, all of the noise, people, etc hits you, and BAM, you're lost in a haze of IHATETHIS. You might feel lost, out of control, sick, or numb. Try setting your phone ahead of time for the alarm to go off every hour (not during the quiet parts of a wedding, funeral, or other ceremony tho, duh). When that alarm goes off, excuse yourself to a quiet spot--restroom, outside, your car, whatevs. You now have a min to refocus, breathe deep, and remember that you are safe and in control. 8) Plan an escape route! Yah it's an old bad-date trick but having someone call you with some kind of "emergency" as an excuse to gtfo is a nice, simple safety net. Sometimes ya gotta bail. And that's ok. Make sure you have a safe way to get home (Uber, bus, train, etc.) if you didn't drive there yourself and you want to leave early.

9) Prep a cozy recovery space.

Reinforce a sense of security for yourself by planning a soothing recovery zone. Whether that is a thermos of hot chocolate and sweatpants in the car, or your PJs, plush buddy and night time meds prepped on your bed pillow, knowing that comfort and relief are on your schedule can really help kick anxiety down a notch. 10) Treat yoself.

Rewards aren't childish or silly. Our bodies are wired to respond to them. So deciding to reward yourself for making it through the event makes perfect sense. Choose something significant enough that it gives you something to look *forward* to. Anticipating something positive is a very powerful way to counteract a looming sense of dread. ****************

People have a wide variety of feels about large social events, but *most* people experience some level of anxiety or discomfort. It's important to remember that you're not alone. Coping with these kinds of situations is never a one-size-fits-all, so idk what's going to work for you, but it's worth it to take the time to experiment and figure it out so you can HAVE MORE FUN. That's the goal. 😎

This is what works for me. #imaketherules

It might not be what's best for you. #makeyourownrules #thinkforyourself