how gratitude caught some stank 🦨💨👃🤮

When you meet someone new, would you want them to be handed a list of rumors and lies about you before you even got to say hello? Gonna go with a hell no. Unfortunately, that is how many of us experience new ideas. They are already ruined for us before we engage them, so we never get to see their value.

Gratitude is one of those ideas. At this point its got so much cultural baggage and negative stigma that even though I practice it almost every day, and find it really fucking powerful, I still get grossed out thinking about it. Like, literally shudder in disgust. Let me explain:

🤢 THANKSGIVING NIGHTMARES

Ah, Autumn, the season of Karens being #thankful with their PSLs and boots, always showing off the upper middle-class lives they are "so thankful" for. Somehow, gratitude for endless luxury doesn't exactly feel authentic. Meanwhile, many of us are trying to figure out how to survive another dreaded dysfunctional family holiday, where we are required to fake our comfort and conformity, and then, with an equally fake smile pasted on, declare what we are thankful for.

🤢 BEING PAID TO FAKE IT

Speaking of fake, anyone who ever had a public-facing job has probably lost count of the times they were required to say thank you when they didn't mean it. "Thanks, have a nice day!" Being forced to lie about our thoughts and emotions (gratitude involves both), in order to make money erodes the idea of authentic gratitude for both the giver and the receiver.

🤢 TOXIC POSITIVITY & OTHER VAPID BULLSHIT

There are plenty of awesome, healthy spiritual communities out there. But some of them SUCK, and have inspired a trend of completely ignoring your emotions and experiences. Here, gratitude is used to remain in deep denial and neglect of your very valid negative feelings. It is the bandaid you put on a bullet wound. With this distortion destroying the very definition of thankfulness, it is no surprise that so many people think that those who practice gratitude have their head in the clouds, and live far removed from reality.

🤢 SPAM AND SCAMS Idk if you've noticed, but lately a few socials have been overrun by comments like, "I am so thankful for so-and-so who helped me make thousands of dollars instantly!" After seeing enough of these, being thankful starts to feel like acne, each comment an annoying new spot you wish would just disappear.

🤢 USED BY ABUSERS

Being grateful is very often weaponized by parents, employers, teachers, and other "authorities" as a way to keep us in line, gaslight our reality, and ignore our needs. How familiar is this line? "How dare you ask for more or better, you should be grateful!" This vile misuse turns gratitude into a guilt-ridden emotional prison.

🤢 AN EMASCULATED POWER TOOL Considered "weak", "feminine", "emotional" and "decorative", gratitude has long been a victim of toxic masculinity. Does Superman say "thank you"? No, people say thank you to him. Only weak people who need help say thank you, in this twisted version of the story.

*********************

So yah. All this shit has become so normalized, that gratitude really never gets a chance to be *seen*. And that sucks because gratitude has been scientifically proven to be a ridiculously powerful tool for making maaaaassive gaaaaaains in our physical health, quality of sleep, mental health, happiness and energy levels.

In mindset training, gratitude is a juggernaut (yah that is totally an X-Men reference) in crushing the victim mindset, releasing shame and restoring motivation, and shifting perspective from problem to opportunity. That is some badass magic right there, and a lot of people are missing out on it.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Cultural shifts take time, but we can help speed them up by being authentic in our own gratitude with others, speaking out --where appropriate and safe-- when we see it misused, and not letting the stigma stop us from using gratitude to power up our lives.

And if you feel so inclined, tell your frens that gratitude doesn't deserve the bad rap its gotten. Show your people its value. How many lives could be changed if we #makegratitudegreatagain ? I'm ready to start counting.